SEX WITH MEN: WILLING BOYS
BY EDWARD BRONGERSMA

“Sex With Men: Willing Boys” is part of “The Outlets”, the final section of “Boys and their Sexuality”, the third chapter of Loving Boys, the encyclopaedic study of Greek love by the eminent Dutch lawyer, Edward Brongersma, of which the first volume (including this) was published by Global Academic Publishers in New York in 1986.

This [the deep need felt by very many adolescent boys for intimacy with a man] may explain why so many boys are willing to abandon themselves sexually to a man. De Brethmas, out of personal experience, believed that among 14- to 20-year-olds 10% have predominantly homosexual tendencies and actively long for contacts, while another 20% would like to try or are passing through a temporary phase of willingness. Thus 30% of all boys would be prepared to have relations with a boy-lover.^[1] This agrees entirely with the results of an investigation among 1500 French grammar school students in 1977 performed by Bertrand Boulin: 28% of these 12- to 17-year-old boys declared they were ready to have a homosexual experience.^[2] American research came up with much higher figures: not less than 77% of the boy-subjects had consciously desired this kind of sexual activity. More than half of them had intuitively felt that some man had wanted to have sex with them; no less than 48% had been looking for such advances, even encouraged them, and 20% had openly taken the initiative themselves.^[3]

Of 107 German students who had in their boyhood been “seduced” by an adult, only 17 said they had resisted while 90 characterised their behaviour as co-operative.^[4] There is a striking difference between the reactions of boys – mostly positive – and those of girls – mostly negative – when confronted with an adult’s sexual desire.^[5]

135  Mark and his younger brother Daren (12) “are fooling around in the front room. ‘I want to go to bed with someone,’ says Mark. ‘With a woman or a man?’ quips Daren. ‘I’m not like you!’ says Mark. ‘Oh?’ says Daren immediately, ‘I thought everyone wanted to go to bed with men!”^[6]

Men with keen intuitive powers may only rarely be turned down.

136  A Dutch student who gave private lessons to grammar school boys, once told me that in the course of five years, with over a hundred pupils, he had only met with one refusal. It was a seventeen-year-old boy who didn’t want to be masturbated by him, and the boy excused himself, saying he had a girl friend and wanted to save his sperm for her.

It is not his age-mate, it is the adult whom the maturing boy really needs. It may be quite fun to amuse himself simultaneously with his school fellows^[7] – there is certainly nothing wrong in that! – but the adult fills an existential blank.^[8] The Italian artist Caravaggio showed the depth of his perception by making the young John the Baptist in one of his most celebrated paintings embrace, symbolically, not the lamb but the buck.

If this is true for boys in general, it applies even more to those who are on the road to becoming adult homophiles. “Grownups have a particular appeal to gay kids because the kids can’t take the risk of rejection that comes with making a pass at someone their own age. Johnny might shout it all over high school, but Mr. Smith won’t. And for gay kids who are already alienated from their peers, having a grown-up friend can mean access to a whole new world – a place where, among other things, it’s no longer disgusting to be gay.”

Frank Rose who wrote this^[9] quotes a boylover who is about 35 years of age: “Respect is what a lot of these kids are lacking. That’s why it is so easy for somebody like me to go to bed with them. (…) But I don’t think it is really a father figure they’re looking for. It’s more complicated than that. A lot of these boys – particularly the ones who are so insistent that they’re heterosexual – like and very much want a lot of physical affection. That may be something you associate with your father, but I don’t.”

Following in the footsteps of the Swedish psychiatrist Ullerstam^[10], Borneman suggests that society, instead of fighting such relationships, should help to find a paedophile for every child who is looking for a father figure.^[11]

It has long been common knowledge among boy-lovers that fatherless boys are generally the easiest to establish sexual relations with. But this hardly puts out of the running those whose fathers are very much present in their homes. For there is “an endless need for tenderness in the arms of an adult in every primitive boy.”^[12] And not only in “primitive” boys, for every healthy youngster has something of the primitive, the natural instincts, in him, and the tenderness he thus needs he won’t get enough of from his father, even where the father is especially caring and devoted. After one boy once “exploded” at his side in bed, Peter Schult said of the inmates of a boarding school for wealthy boys, “Once again I was surprised by this terrific longing for tenderness hidden under the rough shell of these boys, and by their own stock of tenderness from which they were willing to serve you so generously.”^[13]

The most natural way of expressing and experiencing such tenderness is through sex. There are exceptions. For some boys – especially the prepubescent – the sexual part of their intimate friendships with a man may remain dubious or even unpleasant.^[14] But in a large majority of those approaching puberty, or who have passed on to that stage of maturation when the sex drive is most intense, there is a hunger for sex, and its satisfaction is an important element in their relationship to an older friend. The boys in Sandfort’s research affirmed this with hardly an exception. It is not unusual that in a real love relationship the sex means less to the older partner than to the younger.

137  Let us quote some of Sandfort’s adult subjects. Mark: “Between Gerrit and me, obviously, there is a tremendous amount of understanding and love. Reaching an orgasm and having sex are not really very important. They are simply events in our lives, and beautiful ones.”

Henk: “That’s the least important part. It is an extra, but if it had never happened we still would have stayed together over these past two years. For me this wouldn’t have made any difference. It was a positive thing, a plus. (…) If it would have been without sex it would still have been nice. Yes, now I wouldn’t want to do without it, the sexual contact. (…) It may sound funny to you, but after having sex with him you might even say that I love him more than before.”

Paul: “The way Christian usually behaves toward me, the responsibility I feel for him, the love he gives me, the interest he shows in me – all this is just so beautiful that I would put sexual satisfaction in second place.^[15]

For the boy the sexual aspect may be of paramount importance. The beginner discovers that an adult is more skilled and better able to arouse his lust and bring it to greater satisfaction than an inexperienced age-mate.^[16] For a sensitive initiation, a loving adult is the better partner.

In the beginning many boys, especially younger boys, prefer to take the passive role, just letting their friend bring them to orgasm. With time, their youthful, imperious sexual drive may transform them into resourceful and talented lovers. Men having regular intercourse with women as well as boys and “whose goal is pleasure frequently report more fun with boys than with wives.”^[17]  “Some boys are extremely imaginative in sex play, and I know of more than one wife who has benefited in bed by techniques her husband learned from his boyfriend.”^[18]

138  A “cautious and conservative junior high school teacher we shall call Mike Milkey” had “for twenty years kept his pederastic desires in check, priding himself on having never in his life crossed the line into illegal sexual activity. His many close pederastic friendships with boys had been chaste and platonic until he encountered a boy whose insatiable sexuality broke down all his inhibitions. The heady wine of his unfolding sexual experience with this enthusiastic boy transformed Mike into a sensuous pederast who can write, ‘This marvellous experience would be worth twenty years in prison. It has been like a conversion experience for both of us. For the first time in my life I’m open now to all sorts of new erotic sensations. My relationships with women are much more satisfying and my boy is now a ladies’ man no girl can resist.’”^[19]

We have already seen that in the gay world shape and size of the penis is most important, the larger of the species being the most desired. This is even more true among boys who haven’t yet attained their full sexual development. “The anatomy and functional capacities of male genitalia interest younger boys to a degree that is not appreciated by older males who have become heterosexually conditioned.^[20] A man, thus, is more exciting than an age-mate, for everything about him is bigger.”^[21] Children “are curious about all the biological aspects of a man, his erectable penis, his soft balls.”^[22] Tony Duvert: “When I was only a small boy I strongly desired several adult men; on the beach and other places I felt a terrific hunger for them, and I sought substitutes in older boys (…) I fell in love with the smaller ones; my age-mates excited me, and we did all kinds of dirty things together, but it was the cocks of the older boys that thrilled me through and through while their buttocks left me cold. As for handsome men, I would have utterly abandoned myself to them at the slightest touch.” “For an immense number of adolescents (and especially adolescent boys) the company of adults and their physical equipment are infinitely more alluring than that of their age peers.^[23]

And an American: “I never feel that what I am doing is wrong. For one thing, the boys enjoy what they’re doing. They may deny it, but they do all the same. A boy is not as choosy as an adult. Some adults have to have a mixture of Errol Flynn and Sean Connery to be happy – a boy is often satisfied with just a big erect penis to play with. It pleases him to handle an organ larger than his own.”^[24]

A French fourteen-year-old, “Oh, I’d always somehow dreamt about my age-mates, but last year I fell head over heels in love with my English teacher. He looks like you, a little. Then I realised I couldn’t get excited about boys my own age any more, but adults, on the other hand… I need adults; I desire them…”^[25] A Dutch youngster describes fooling around with his comrades at the age of ten: “There was this man, and he started to join in our games. Also sexually. We thought it was quite exciting, to do this with an older man with such a big cock.”^[26]

“The erect sexual organ and the way it works have a symbolic meaning for men, and especially for boys. (…) To the boy the man’s phallus thus stands for his bigness, his power, his capacity to dominate, his strength, his courage, his wisdom, his knowledge, his mastery over men and his possession of attractive women, to love them and be loved by them. It is the symbol of victory and everything else that impels a boy to look up to a man such as he wishes he were himself.”^[27] This fascination with the phallus was never better put than by Michel Tournier.^[28] “I’m like the Africans, wanting a black Mother of God, or like the Tibetans, wanting a slit-eyed infant Jesus, and I cannot imagine God otherwise than as a male member, high and hard, erected upon a pedestal of its two testicles, a monument of virility, principle of creativity, holy trinity, idol with trunk, fixed exactly in the centre of the human body, half way between head and feet just as the Holy of Holies is situated in the Temple half way between transept and apsis, miraculously uniting silk-like softness and muscular hardness, a blind, vegetative, dreamlike power, but also a clear-sighted, calculating hunter, a paradoxical fountain in its turn ejaculating ammoniac urine, accumulation of all the body’s impurities, and sperm, instrument of war, unicorn, catapult, but also trilobate flower, symbol of glowing life.”

“When we look at the classic Greek statue the penis seems like a kind of accidental appendage, the innocent part of a body which we otherwise admire for its power and muscularity, the harmony, pose, action and expression which the sculptor has bestowed. Were the penis in erection, however, it would absorb all these qualities into itself, destroying the aesthetic effect of the whole. An erection draws too much attention, and unmistakably sexualises the body. The centre of gravity of the figure shifts to this demonstrative centre, to this raised and tended member behind which the man stands in all his power. It becomes the centre of potency in every sense. In so far as it possesses an aesthetic value, this consists of its frightening and imposing beauty.^[29]

Just looking at a penis may make a boy willing.

139  I was standing behind a tree beside a lonely road playing with my penis, which is very large. A fifteen-year-old messenger-boy passed by on his bicycle and caught sight of it. His face, I saw, immediately got very red. He put on the brakes, stopped, stood as though transfixed, staring at it with bulging eyes. ‘Do you want to touch it?’ I asked – ‘Come!’ He didn’t say a word, but as I turned and walked back into the woods he followed me, pushing his bicycle. Back in the bushes where we couldn’t be seen, I brought out my cock again and he took it very carefully, almost with veneration, in his hand. ‘Let me see yours,’ I said. ‘But it is much smaller,’ he said, immediately, however, unbuttoning his trousers. I took hold of it. ‘You rub mine!’ ‘Am I doing it right?’ Soon my seed shot out of it. ‘Wow, what a lot of come!’ ” (Personal communication)

140  Someone wrote on the wall of a Parisian lavatory, “The first man to fuck me was my gym instructor. I was 15 and he was 30. One day on the playing field I kept staring at his thick cock and his balls, clearly outlined in his small, white slip. He got the message, then he ordered us all to lie down on our backs. And the whole time we were exercising in this position he stood with his legs spread apart above my head, and his hairy cock excited me so strongly that I got a hard-on. When practice was over he asked me to bring a notebook to his study and wait for him there. As soon as he came into the room he locked the door with his key, came over to me and stood by my side, took my hand and rubbed it over his cock. I was terrifically excited; I felt his cock getting harder under my fingers, and now I began on my own to mess about with this big thing. Tenderly he started to undress and fondle me. When I was naked at last he stripped off his pullover and, taking my hand, taught it to fondle his muscular, hairy breast. His cock was so stiff that its tip peeped out of his slip. Now he took it completely out, and I saw his…” Here the text breaks off.^[30] 

Many a boy’s wishes, however, aren’t limited to this purely sexual aspect but expand to broader and more lasting components of relations with an adult: affection, being accepted, warmth, feeling protected, status and satisfaction of other impulses.^[31] Boys have an enormous craving for attention; thus it is most enjoyable just to be with an adult who listens to and is interested in what he is saying.^[32] Baurmann, analysing over 8,000 cases, found that children accepted sexual relations with adults “because the child is lonely and doesn’t feel sufficiently loved and understood by his parents; because he is grateful that an adult cares and talks to him seriously; because the child has needs and desires which have been neglected; because the sexual contact may satisfy unconscious sexual desires of the child; because the child hasn’t received accurate sexual information and is now curious and wants to know more about sexuality.”^[33]

Among the child-lovers studied by Pieterse, 99.3% saw affection as a motive for the relationship; 95.9% mentioned the attention of the adult; 95.3% feelings of being protected, of being safe; 87.8% sex; 76.4% excitement and adventure; 44.3% protest against parents; 42.6% gifts, money, candy and snacks; 38.5% feelings of superiority; 32.4% showing off.^[34] Well-off adults seldom realise the extent to which boys, especially from the lower classes, enjoy being courted by elderly gentlemen: they may even be ready to prostitute themselves in order to bring this about.^[35] 

In a steady relationship the boy will certainly want more than just sex. A purely sexual relationship becomes, after two or three weeks, quite tedious.^[36] 

141  Philippe told Jacques de Brethmas: “With you, I’ve the feeling you’re a real friend: there’s more involved than just ‘doing it’. With others it seems that’s all they’re interested in. As far as they’re concerned I’m just an arse. I remember the second man I went with – I’d already stripped off my clothes and he didn’t even know my name! But when I do it with you it’s not like we’re doing something wrong; we do it just like we do other things, because we’re friends not just for that but for everything else, too.^[37]

142  Thomas, whom we have already quoted in conversation with Hennig, says, “A boy likes to get around, to do things. He doesn’t want to stay at home. If he likes being with you it’s often because there is some kind of trouble in his family. Perhaps he has no father, or his parents don’t pay much attention to him, or they meddle too much in his affairs. The boy wants to get something from you that is different from what he gets at home; there is something he wants to get away from. If you create a family atmosphere in your home, if you tell him to sit down and stay there, if you tell him not to touch some apparatus because he’ll break it, forbid him to open the window because he’ll catch cold, he may come to your place once or twice but then he’ll stop. And he’s right. You have to offer the boy something he doesn’t get at home. You don’t have to be calculating about it, but if you know the rules of the game you’ll do all you can to make him happy so he’ll keep coming back. I suppose it is a kind of trap, but on the other hand I believe you give him a lot, too.^[38] 

One of Léonetti’s subjects believed that many boys don’t dare to get to know boy-lovers until they are fifteen. Since sexual activity reaches its maximum at age sixteen, they are already then very active. Later their interest will gradually shift toward girls. In their sexual relations they are, of course, seeking pleasure, but also, and more importantly, support and security.^[39] When a boy really falls in love with an adult, “he’ll admire him like a brother, like a father, like the adult he wants to become himself,” to quote Thomas once again.^[40]

It is through just this sexual contact that a boy so often finds the sense of security he desires. Fourteen-year-old André says, “When I lie naked in his arms and he does it to me, I feel so safe, so secure.”^[41]  No wonder, for in the act of sexual conjugation the loving man gives all his attention to the boy, demonstrates his respect for the boy’s desires and feelings as the two of them work together to excite one another’s lust. The sexual act makes the boy more aware of his own value as a human being^[42], and, as it does, brings up to the surface, often unexpectedly, his “stock of tenderness”.

143  “Sam was a poor black boy. Fatherless, he spent his boyhood in children’s homes where he suffered every kind of racial discrimination. His pride and joy was his muscular physique, very well developed at fourteen, the age when I got to know him. You couldn’t roughhouse with him as you could, to their delight, with other boys, because he was too rough and didn’t control his strength: without really wanting to, he would pound his partners black and blue. At last he returned to his home and very quickly thereafter he started getting into trouble. I never had sex with him during this period, despite his good looks. Then one day, after he had turned sixteen, he dropped by for a visit. His athletic coach wanted to write an article on karate illustrated with photos of Sam in the various positions. Would I take the pictures? I was happy to, so, stripped down to his shorts, he posed, and I admired his muscular brown body, sturdy as a boxer’s. After I had finished I asked, ‘Can we take some nude pictures, too?’ ‘Yes, that would be nice!’ And right away he kicked off his shorts and proudly revealed his large, well-shaped penis. After a few more shots he said, ‘Wait a minute, I’ll make it stiff – that’s even better.’ At last he was posing with a full erection, lying prone on the bed. I put my camera away, undressed and lay down at his side. Immediately he took me in his arms, pressed his naked body against mine and started to caress me. Then he went to work on my genitals, taking them in his hand, and now I was really surprised, for nobody had ever done this so softly, so tenderly, touched me with so much refinement as this coarse boxer. He was the last person I would have expected to show such delicacy and consideration. The whole experience left me with an unforgettable feeling of sweetness.” (Personal communication)

Not every boy reveals his inner feelings as nakedly as Sam. Some pretend – not just to other people but to themselves as well – that they’re only doing it for money or gifts, never admitting how much they enjoy abandoning themselves to the ecstasy of sex and experiencing the tenderness of an adult. But in their behaviour, even the younger boys hardly act like “victims of male lust”, as they are invariably and sensationally described in the media.^[43] Certainly wherever feelings of friendship exist, the sexual activity means a great deal more to the boy than the satisfaction of his sexual needs (in itself a benefit!): where the relationship goes beyond the casual meeting and grows into a lasting bond, it is the base upon which love can be built.

In his novel Antinous Geliebter, Ulrich Stöwer has Epictetus, the philosopher, write a deeply reflective letter about this to Emperor Hadrian, who has just made love for the first time with thirteen-year-old Antinous: “As for your friend, he just did what every boy of his age would have done. He was asleep, and you awakened him. But he didn’t really wake up right away, and for some time he walked at your side as if in a dream. You were his guide, and without you he would have gone on sleeping for a few more years, after which he would have awakened to an average life. As soon as he perceived you as his guide, his immediate response was unlimited trust and gratitude, expressed with what you call love. And it was love, for how else can a child possibly show he’s grateful? But, my great friend, you know as well as I do that this childish love is different from the love of adults. Most importantly, it is more fleeting. It decreases as a child grows into a man, as he becomes more and more conscious of his power and opportunities. As he grows up he doesn’t think about this, and it would be most unfortunate if he did: it would stunt all human and moral progress. Because he doesn’t reflect, he accepts the benefits bestowed upon him, even true love, as things which simply, and rightly, exist, which put no obligation upon him, especially since he didn’t ask for them. Since to a youth it seems only natural to receive rather than to give, and since real friendship has to be based upon a mutual exchange of the heart, the senses and the intellect, we must ask ourselves to what degree a friendship is possible between two people so substantially divergent in their capacities. You must always keep in mind that you are not not equals and you will never be equals. Your friendship arises from precisely this inequality.”^[44]

The Ancient Greeks, as we have seen, considered sex between a man and a boy quite normal; they thus recognised the possibility of an adolescent boy fulfilling the two roles of favourite of a man and active lover of a somewhat younger boy. In Xenophon’s Symposium, Kritoboulos says he is glad he is young enough to attract adult lovers – and then proceeds to describe how much he is in love with his age-mate Klinias. And Plato mentions an adolescent who is so beautiful that all men and boys – even the smallest boys – follow him with their eyes.^[45] 

An intimate relationship with an adult, however, has far more importance for a boy than such a relationship with a contemporary, even though its physical expression is the same. The partners engage in the same sort of sexual activities. It is amazing, therefore, to see how obstinately “experts”, like most parents, police officers, prosecutors and judges, draw such a sharp distinction here: whatever happens between boys is more or less tolerated today, or given little real importance, but the moment an adult takes the boy’s penis in his hand or his mouth, this is viewed with alarm: the act now becomes pernicious.^[46] There is no reason whatever for making such a distinction.^[47] The handling of a boy’s penis by an adult may actually cause a keener pleasure, because older persons are often more intent on satisfying the lust feelings of their partners than are younger people.^[48]

In an article in The Village Press, mention is made of Paul Stanley, a 47-year-old Roman Catholic priest: “He has yet to see proof of psychological damage resulting from man-boy sex that did not involve force, prostitution, physical revulsion, or incest – and, having seen no proof, is loathe to condemn it (…) ‘I found the best way to calm down a gay man who wanted to kill a pederast was to probe his own experience. Many of them had had sex with men while they were growing up, and when I asked them about it they said, “It was wonderful. In fact, I was a horny little bastard and I seduced the guy!”’”^[49]

So we are now confronted with the problem of who takes the initiative. In his investigation of 25 young partners, Sandfort became convinced that what adult boy-lovers had told him in a prior research project came closer to the truth than what was to be found in the scientific literature on the subject. He makes a persuasive distinction: if the boy is already experienced with other lovers, or has been taught by a more experienced comrade, or has been told that a particular man likes to have sex with boys, he will often rather easily take the initiative. If, on the other hand, the boy is completely naïve, the man then, of course, has to make the first moves.^[50] 

The Speijer committee, appointed by the Dutch government in 1969 to give expert advice about a proposed reform in the penal law, concluded that it was wrong, in this context, to use the negatively loaded term “seduction”. It would be preferable to speak of “initiation”. And we shouldn’t forget that this is an initiation which, for the most part, young people expect and consciously anticipate with great excitement and ardour.^[51] 

The homophobic taboo, however, often forces boys to go through a variety of rather comical acts. Sometimes a boy will pretend sleep, even when the man’s penis penetrates his anus and is thrusting in the full flood of passion into it; later he will insist that he never knew what had happened.^[52] Even when not pretending sleep, boys may act indifferent and rather passively allow the man to suit himself without really participating or resisting.

144  “During the rush hours I paw nice boys in the underground. Nearly all of them let me have my way, and I get a hard-on. Sometimes I’m successful in getting my hand completely into their pants and then they ejaculate in my hand.”^[53]

145  Stan, 20 years of age, tells how one night his father took him to a park to listen to a boys’ choir. He was standing close behind a man of about 60 and he felt “how this person’s hand went in the direction of my crotch. I got a hard-on, sure, and I let him fondle me for an hour, actually an hour and a half. I pulled down my zipper and let him caress me – yes, the whole time, as I was listening to those sweet little sopranos! Afterwards we went home by the metro, and I thought what a really big joke it was that I had let myself be fondled like that without my father or sister having the faintest idea what was going on right next to them. I was only twelve at the time.”^[54] 

Other boys will delude themselves that what they are doing has no connection whatever with homosexuality, which they find abominable.

146  Every school day two fifteen-year-old high school boys went to the home of a teacher, with whom they were on intimate terms, in order to receive some extra tutoring. They also enjoyed having sex with him. As soon as they were in his house they would strip naked, do their homework with him, and then lie down on his bed, where the teacher had sex one day with one, the next day with the other, while the odd boy out looked on and masturbated himself to climax. One day the two boys arrived on the teacher’s doorstep very obviously upset. They said that while crossing a park they had met “one of those queer bastards” who had propositioned them. “Well, we gave him a good beating up, to teach him we weren’t queer,” they said, at the same time stripping off their clothes for their daily all-male sex games. (Personal communication)

It is hardly exceptional for this inner struggle to be revealed in boys’ behaviour. It is often more noticeable in the essentially homophile boy than in the predominantly heterophile youngster.^[55] For the first it is, indeed, a step toward adult sex life as it now begins to shape itself. For the heterophile boy, on the other hand, it is just an experiment, albeit a lustful one, but little more than a casual occurrence. Just as the heterophile is so often shy and hesitant at his first coital act with a female, so the homophile boy may be timid and afraid at his first intimacy with a man. One of Hite’s gay subjects said that, if somebody would have tried to touch him when he was about 14, he’d have raced, not walked, away.^[56]

147  One of Bloch’s subjects had realised since the age of six that he was sexually attracted to adult men. During his adolescence he charmed a girl into falling in love with him and had sex with her, quite aware of the fact that he was driven only by physical lust, not by love. “It was during this time that I saw in a public lavatory an elderly gentleman whose appearance made a deep impression on me. He looked me over, then bent cautiously forward to see my penis. He drew closer to me, moved his lightly trembling hand… and touched my member. I was so shocked, so terrified, that I fled the place, and for some time I didn’t dare return. But my desire to meet this stranger grew stronger and stronger, and finally this proved not to be so difficult after all.”^[57]

148  A fourteen-year-old would always try to look at the penis of the man standing next to him in public conveniences. Often, when he was aware of what the boy was doing, the man would turn so that the boy could have a better view. Then one day a man actually took hold of the boy’s penis in his hand. Alarmed, the boy shouted and swore, but even as he was running away he began to regret what he had done. The next day he went back, consciously hoping the same thing would happen again, and when it did he accepted it without any fuss.^[58] 

Boys who are mainly interested in girls will much more easily accept a casual contact with a boy-lover than those who are predominantly homophile. Schofield^[59] asked a number of heterophile and homophile adults, all of whom had had homosexual experiences, how old they were when they had their first experience. Their responses are shown in Table 13.

Table 13. Age of First Homosexual Contact.^[60]

Evidently the inhibition is stronger in early adolescence in homophile boys, for they may experience strong desires for same-sex contacts from a very early age. In a research investigation of 1600 French gays (mostly males), 50% stated they had longed for homosexual activities before they were 10 years of age, and 70% had had those longings between 10 and 14.^[61] The inhibition is overcome only when the sexual appetite grows too compelling when a boy has reached a degree of self-acceptance as a gay male. Then the event is significant and decisive.

149  In a research project carried out by the Institute of Social Psychology at Groningen State University, a 16-year-old declared, “I had sex with a man of 28. It wasn’t strange at all, for I was quite aware of being gay… But it was so completely different. You’re suddenly swept into a fresh, new world. Immediately I had the feeling, ‘This is the real thing; now I’m where I belong; I’m on the right road at last.’”^[62] 

With heterophile boys the chief inhibition is homophobia – the fear of becoming a “queer” or being regarded as such by his peers.

150  Jacques de Brethmas was in trouble with a gang of nine 15- to 17-year-olds in his neighbourhood. They shouted “Queer!”, “Pig”, “Skunk!” at him and threatened him whenever their paths crossed. But gradually, persevering, using all kinds of stratagems, he succeeded, one by one, in enticing each of them to his home. On their own, isolated from their gang-mates, they proved to be pleasant, friendly boys and were soon willing to become sexually intimate with him. In fact the sexual intimacy pleased them so much that they started to bring along friends and younger brothers to share in the fun. Still, with their gang-mates they maintained the utmost secrecy about their intimacies, and the gang as a whole continued to be hostile: only the shouting of insults stopped.^[63]

Continue to Sex With Men: Bisexual Behaviour

^[1] Brethmas, J. de, Détournement de majeur. Paris: Perchoir, 1980, 40. [Author’s reference]

^[2] Boulin, B. et al, La Charte des enfants. Paris: Stock, 1977, 261. [Author’s reference]

^[3] Bloomingdale, quoted by Williams, J., Men and their Boy-Studs. 15. Los Angeles: Medco Books, 1969, p. 18 [Author’s reference].

^[4] Kirchhoff, C. & G. F., Untersuchung im Dunkelfeld sexueller Viktimisation, in: Kirchhoff & Sessar (Eds.), Das Verbrechensopfer. Bochum: Brockmeyer, 1979, p. 289. [Author’s reference].

^[5] Wegner, A., Die Sittlichkeitsdelikte an Kindern und Jugendlichen in der Nachkriegszeit, Bonn: Röhrscheid, 1953, p. 55 [Author’s reference].

^[6] Moody, R., Indecent Assault. London: Word is Out, 1980. 52. [Author’s reference]

^[7] Pieterse, M., Pedofielen over pedofilie. Zeist: NISSO, 1982, I-33. [Author’s reference]

^[8] Schérer, R., Une érotique puérile.  Paris: Galilée, 1978, 183. [Author’s reference]

^[9] Rose, F., Men and Boys Together. The Village Voice 23, 9: 1, 17-21, 1978, 18. [Author’s reference]

^[10] Ullerstam, L., De erotiske minoriteter. Stig Vendelkaers, 1964,  [Author’s reference]

^[11] Borneman, E., Lexikon der Liebe, Frankfurt: Ullstein, 1978, p. 1359 [Author’s reference].

^[12] Augiéras, F., Un voyage au Mont Athos. Paris: Flammarion, 1970, 170. [Author’s reference]

^[13] Schult, P., Besuche in Sackgassen. München: Trikont, 1978, 176. [Author’s reference]

^[14] Pieterse, M., Pedofielen over pedofilie. Zeist: NISSO, 1982, I-20 [Author’s reference]

^[15] Sandfort, Th., Pedoseksuele kontakten en pedoflele relaties. Zeist: NISSO, 1979, 167-180. [Author’s reference]

^[16] Sandfort, Th., Pedoseksuele kontakten en pedoflele relaties. Zeist: NISSO, 1979, 221 [Author’s reference]

^[17] Rossman, P., Sexual Experience Between Men and Boys. New York: Association Press, 1976, 122. [Author’s reference]

^[18] Eglinton, J. Z., Greek Love. New York: Oliver Layton, 1964, 441. [Author’s reference]

^[19] Rossman, P., Sexual Experience Between Men and Boys. New York: Association Press, 1976, 28, 29. [Author’s reference]

^[20] Kinsey, A. C. et al, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Philadelphia: Saunders, 1948, 168. Reeves, Th., Man-Boy Scenes in the United States. In: Duyves et al (Eds.), Among Men, Among Women. Amsterdam: Gay-Studies and Women’s Studies University of Amsterdam Conference, 1983, 21. [Author’s reference]

^[21] Bernard, F., Pädophilie–Liebe mit Kindern. Lollar: Achenbach, 1979, 18, 21. [Author’s reference]

^[22] Möller, M., Pedoflele relaties. Deventer: Van Loghum Slaterus, 1983, 93. [Author’s reference]

^[23] Duvert, T., L’enfant au masculin. Paris: Editions de Minuit, 1980, 24-25, 89. [Author’s reference]

^[24] Drew, D. & Drake, J., Boys for Sale. New York: Brown, 1969, 213. [Author’s reference]

^[25] Brethmas, J. de, Détournement de majeur. Paris: Perchoir, 1980, 79. [Author’s reference]

^[26] Sandfort, Th., Pedoseksuele kontakten en pedoflele relaties. Zeist: NISSO, 1979, 126. [Author’s reference]

^[27] Vangaard, Th., Phallós. København: Gyldendal, 1969, 48-49. [Author’s reference]

^[28] Tournier, M., Les Météores. Paris: Gallimard, 1975, 123. [Author’s reference]

^[29] Linschoten, J., Aspecten van de sexuele incarnatie. In: Van den Berg & Linschoten (Eds.), Persoon en wereld. Utrecht: Bijleveld, 1953, 101-102. [Author’s reference]

^[30] Ernest, E., Sexe et graffiti. Paris: Moreau, 1979, 108. [Author’s reference]

^[31] Th. Sandfort 1980, 190; Brethmas, J. de, Traité de chasse au minet. Paris: Perchoir, 1979, 19. [Author’s references, but it is not clear which work by Sandfort he meant]

^[32] Hennig, J.-L., Thomas, 30 ans: Bruno, 15 ans: le nouveau couple zig-zag. Recherches 37: 137-166, 1979, 157. [Author’s reference]

^[33] M. C. Baurmann 1983, 714 [Author’s reference, but it is not clear which work by Baurmann he meant].

^[34] Pieterse, M., Pedofielen over pedofilie. Zeist: NISSO, 1982, II-23. [Author’s reference]

^[35] Kentler, H., Sexualpädagogische Aufgaben bei Jugendlichen der Unterschicht. In: Pacharzina & Albrecht-Désirat (Eds.), Konfliktfeld Kindersexualität. Frankfurt a.M.: Päd-extra, 1978, 145. [Author’s reference]

^[36] Hennig, J.-L., Thomas, 30 ans: Bruno, 15 ans: le nouveau couple zig-zag. Recherches 37: 137-166, 1979, 156-157. [Author’s reference]

^[37] Brethmas, J. de, Traité de chasse au minet. Paris: Perchoir, 1979, 109. [Author’s reference]

^[38] Hennig, J.-L., Thomas, 30 ans: Bruno, 15 ans: le nouveau couple zig-zag. Recherches 37: 137-166, 1979, 156-157. [Author’s reference]

^[39] Léonetti, P.-F., Je suis un homo… comme ils disent. Paris: Lefeuvre, 1978, 224. [Author’s reference]

^[40] Hennig, J.-L., Thomas, 30 ans: Bruno, 15 ans: le nouveau couple zig-zag. Recherches 37: 137-166, 1979, 154. [Author’s reference]

^[41] Th. Sandfort, 1981, 61 [Author’s reference, but it is not clear which work by Sandfort he meant].

^[42] Th. Sandfort 1981, 61; Klerk, J. de, De Platwormen vervelen zich. Amsterdam: Agon Elsevier, 1974, 144. [Author’s references, but it is not clear which work by Sandfort he meant]

^[43] Bender, L. & Blau, A., The Reaction of Children to Sexual Relations With Adults. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry 7: 500-518, 1937, 514. Burton, L., Vulnerable Children. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1968, 88. [Author’s reference]

^[44] Stöwer, U., Antinous, Geliebter! München: List, 1967, 160- 161. [Author’s reference]

^[45] Foucault, M., L’usage des plaisirs. Paris: Gallimard, 1984, 214-215. [Author’s reference]

^[46] Dolto, F., Extraits d’une lettre à propos d’un procès en cours. Recherches 37: 83-86, 1979, 84. [Author’s reference]

^[47] Matzneff 1977, 140; Passay, J.-J. L’incapacité juridique au plaisir. Recherches 37: 7-68, 1979, 44 [Author’s references, but it is not clear which book by Matzneff he meant].

^[48] Max, Truc, Albert & Jérôme, Die Pädophilie. In: Dieckmann & Pescatore (Eds.) Drie Milliarden Perverse. Berlin: Rosa Winkel, 1980, 72. [Author’s reference]

^[49] Rose, F., Men and Boys Together. The Village Voice 23, 9: 1, 17-21, 1978, 18. [Author’s reference]

^[50] Th. Sandfort, 1981, 48, 91-92 [Author’s reference, but it is not clear which book by Sandfort he means].

^[51] Speijer, N., et al, Advies inzake homoseksuele relaties met minderjarigen. Bijlage bij de Memorie van Toelichting. Ontwerp van wet tot intrekking van artikel 248bis van het Wetboek van Strafrecht. ‘s-Gravenhage: Staatsuitgeverij, 1970, Section 7.9. [Author’s reference]

^[52] Valentine, J., Puppies, Glen Ellen: Entwhistle Books, 1979 pp. 22-3. [Author’s reference]

^[53] Ernest, E., Sexe et graffiti. Paris: Moreau, 1979, 133. [Author’s reference]

^[54] Schérer, R., L’emprise. Des enfants entre nous, Paris: Hachette, 1979, p. 241 [Author’s reference]

^[55] D. Nichols 1976, 91; Oskamp, A., Man en macht - 11 Gesprekken met mannen over seksualiteit en relaties, Amsterdam: Van Gennep, 1980, p. 41 [Author’s reference, but it is not clear which book by Nichols he meant].

^[56] Hite, Sh., The Hite Report on Male Sexuality. New York: Ballantine, 1981, Dutch edition 686. [Author’s reference]

^[57] Bloch, I., Das Sexualleben unserer Zeit. Berlin: Marcus, 1909, 547. [Author’s reference]

^[58] Léonetti, P.-F., Je suis un homo… comme ils disent. Paris: Lefeuvre, 1978, 194. [Author’s reference]

^[59] “1965, 93”[Author’s reference, but it is not clear to which book by Schofield this refers].

^[60] M. Schofield, 1965. [Author’s reference, but it is not clear to which book by Schofield this refers].

^[61] Lacombe, F., “Sondages d’opinion”, L’Espoir 12: 1984, p. 33. [Author’s reference].

^[62] Koning, P. P. J. de & Blom-Van Rees, Th. A. H. M., Een kwalitatieve analyse van de keuze van een homoseksueel gedragspatroon door een aantal minderjarige jongens. Groningen: Instituut voor Sociale Psychologie, 1969, 16, 11. [Author’s reference]

^[63] Brethmas, J. de, Détournement de majeur. Paris: Perchoir, 1980, 200. [Author’s reference]